Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Nightmares. They come from somewhere.

Even the nightmares I have with Norm MacDonald and a septugenarian lesbian couple come from somewhere. But those are nothing compared to the really creepy, wake-up-screaming nightmares, the ones you can't believe aren't real.

If you heeded my advice, you didn't read my post a few weeks ago. If you actually made it to the pictures at the bottom, you know what I'm talking about. Since some of you are arachnophobic, be aware that I am going to talk about spiders here.


Big, hairy, forking spiders.

In. My. Nightstand.

Yes, I went to get my belt this morning, and one of the damn things jumped out of the drawer at me. The Dammit just laid there as if nothing was going on while I pounded the floor with one of my shoes.

It's bad enough I tried to get one in the garage last night and missed him, now I'll be lucky if I can even sleep tonight. Those little bastards are fast.

Terminix is coming tomorrow. As if you had to ask.


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You might need to get a pistol. Or the Phial of Galadriel. Either should be most effective in combating evil giant spiders.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, and nightmares come from this guy.

Harmony said...

Holy shat toast..why would you feel the need to post a picture like that? The seriously made my stomach turn.

*quickly glances around for spiders*

You are right, I hate spiders! Once I woke my husband up from a dead sleep to come kill a spider. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen him do. He was all disoriented and grunty (like an ape), saying "where? Where is it?" Once he finally seen it, he did a double was that BIG. Then he grabbed a shirt and started to wack it. Damn thing started ninja hopping, avoiding each and every smack down. So there my husband was jumping around slinging a shirt and grunting away. Definitely and ape. Finally he wrapped the shirt around his fist and started pounding the thing, because he got annoyed by all of my screaming "just kill it!" I swear it was some sort of army spider, because it wouldn't die. He finally killed it and threw the shirt and spider in the washer. Oh man, I did NOT like that at all. I think I ran the washer a good 5 times and would open it for a week.

Ummmm...don't throw dead spiders in the washer?

Samsmama said...

Spiders don't bother me at all, ye they freak the shit out of my husband. And I find it rather entertaining to watch. Because I'm sweet like that.

Mary said...

of a funny story...when my oldest was about 4, my ex husband (who is TERRIFIED of spiders) and I were still married. One night, she put about 40 or 50 of these tiny tiny tiny plastic spiders in the cap of his shaving cream.
We awoke to blood curdling girlie-man screams the next morning at about 5am...he woke the kids but I didn't care- he deserved it :)
spiders....hee hee hee

Anonymous said...

FUCK SPIDERS!!!! There was one big fucker in my tub the other morning and I made the man come in and kill it and then I yelled at him because he didn't flush the body, he threw it in the trash can.

Elliott said...

Mjenks - I'm thinking 'a frickin 12-gauge', what do you think?

Harm - Lori's had to kill them in our bathroom in the middle of the night without her glasses on, never a good thing.

Smama - little spiders don't bother me. Spiders that can jump three feet and cover my entire face bother me.

Mary - you're right, that is funny.

Courtney - zombie spiders? The big ones we have can swim under water, so flushing would do no good.

The Hyperlexian Aspie said...

spiders generally don't bother me too much, but once....

i had just moved to live in a remote area in the boreal forest. my husband was still packing at our old house in the city, so i spent the first night alone.

just as i was getting myself tucked into bed, i found a fuzzy surprise on my pillow: a boreal jumping spider. the damn thing looked gigantic, and hairy, and it moved fast.

that evil menace jumped away before i could kill it, and i never did find it... but i sure didn't sleep much that night. (for the record, these guys do bite):

Be nice and share!

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