Saturday, September 19, 2009

Don't say I didn't warn you

Reason Not To Live In Florida #1756: Saturday Mornings

Aw, isn't he cute? Fuzzy, adorable little hamster. Nothing wrong with that. Doesn't he make you want to say 'awww, who's a cute widdle hamster. You are!', while rubbing his little hamster tummy? Problem is, he's only there so you can get the warning. If you are squeamish, arachnophobic, or have small children in the room, do not scroll down.

I repeat: DO NOT SCROLL DOWN. Get the kids out of the room. If you're reading this right before bedtime, DO NOT SCROLL DOWN.

You have been warned.

Today was the first morning I could actually tell we're heading into fall. It wasn't oppressively humid out, just a bright warm sunshiny day. After I came back in, Lori and I were admiring the rose bushes in our courtyard, and I'm excited that they're going to bloom en masse any day now. Never mind that they're called Golden Showers, get your mind out of the gutter now.

Lori then turned around, and on our patio door, there were a number of unidentified little lizards cavorting about, and the dammit dog was not amused, rather he was confused. Then, when the mommy lizard and the daddy lizard are really in love AND they're married (because we'll have none of that in this house...)

(re-enactment, cleaned up for our younger viewers.)

Okay now, this is your last chance. Final warning. One last opportunity to abandon this post now, before you're permanently scarred. Because you can't unsee something once you've seen it.

He's begging you.

I went outside to move the screen a bit, since it seemed to be trapping one of the lizards where dammit dog had RUN THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR one night. Dammit.

It was then that I discovered we had more than lizards hiding behind the screen.

Aw, he's not so bad, he's just a cute little spider. No problem, right?


Pardon my dirty window, but if you had these types of creatures crawling around willy nilly, would you be standing outside in shorts, armed only with Windex? I think not.

You can't necessarily read it at this scale, but the red line equals one inch. And Lori's killed more than one of these little f*@kers IN OUR BATHROOM. She adds that she did that blind, in the middle of the night, without the benefit of her eyeglasses.

So that's Saturday in the Sunshine state. Fun stuff, right? Don't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, and for our friends and family who will be visiting over the next few months, they WILL be gone. Terminix does wonderful things.

1 comment:

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

A shoe also doesn't wonderful things.

You might need to arm yourself with a glowing sword, a mythril shirt and the phial of Galadriel the next time you're going outside.

Be nice and share!

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