Thursday, September 23, 2010

Random Acts of Thursday - What Knockers!

There is a time in every boy's life when he encounters his first Playboy.  Heck, his first National Geographic, for that matter.  And there are the formative films of one's youth. 

Since I refuse to grow up, any film that brings on the sexytime is a formative film of my youth.  (Though truth be told, I can't even say 'titmouse' without giggling like a schoolgirl.)

At the same time, I can remember the skies opening up for me when I got my first boombox (it was, after all, 1984) and discovered that there were other channels on the dial besides my parents' country station. 

As such, I give you this week's quiz!  I'll tell you the song, you identify the sexy and the film.  Keep in mind sexy doesn't have to be naked (though it doesn't hurt).

1) Moving in Stereo - The Cars

2) Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd

3) LaGrange - ZZ Top

4) Bolero - Ravel

5) Brand New Key - Melanie

6) Slaughter House - Powermad

7) Atomic - Sleeper

8) Sussudio - Phil Collins

I'm sure I'm missing others, feel free to add them in the comments. 

Speaking of sexy, it seems my readership has dropped off considerably.  Some might logically conclude this is because my writership has also dropped off considerably.  However, I figured it might be easier if I just posted gratuitous pictures of boobies.

And my favorite...

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fun Fact Friday - NFG's In Cleveland Without the Vitamin D

I have a couple of couches, and as a matter of fact, have been known to fall asleep on the loveseat on more than one occasion.

It turns out I have a vitamin D deficiency.  One would find that hard to believe, me, not getting enough dairy?  However, it would seem that adult vitamin D deficiency is relatively common in shut-ins and the institutionalized.  And if you don't think working in an office all day is the same as being institutionalized, you need to wake up and smell the soothing green walls. 

I'm not getting enough sun, eating enough fish or liver, and I apparently need to up my dairy intake.  And apparently as we age, and because the American Cancer Society along with the National Sunscreen Coalition have been harping at us about UV rays, wearing sunscreen actually inhibits the body's natural ability to synthesize Vitamin D.

(I'm already sick of typing 'Vitamin D' but somehow abbreviating it as 'VD' might give readers the wrong idea...)

Vitamin D deficiency can prevent your body from absorbing calcium (hypocalcemia) and potassium from the foods you eat, meaning your body will start stealing those minerals from itself.  I can end up with osteomalacia, or 'adult rickets'.  With my BMI, I don't think brittle bones are a good thing.  Apparently, it could also be driving my RLS.  See?  I'm not kicking Lori in her sleep due to suppressed rage, after all.  Proper vitamin D levels could also help prevent certain cancers.

So what then, is an appropriate level of solublized Vitamin D?  From the office of 'Well, duuuuuuh!', the Vitamin D Council suggests that the minimum level is 2 1/2 times that which was recommended by the doctor's office.  I don't know what my hypochondria is going to do with this conflicting data.

All I know is that I've had it up to here with these damn rickets.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Random Acts of Thursday - To Be or Not To Be

Wait, what was the question?

Growing up in Milwaukee as I did, there were certain 'regionalisms' that I knew early on would have people looking sideways at me, should I say them outside of the metro area.  'Bubbler', for example, instead of 'drinking fountain'.  I knew that anyone outside of my geographic circle was probably going to use the term 'pop' instead of 'soda', and when I went to school in Texas, the correct term was 'coke' (much like 'kleenex' instead of 'facial tissue', I'm sure.)  My family lived on the city's northwest side, so we didn't pick up any of the Ya dere hey's, y'know's and ain'a's more prevalent in the sout' sider's vocabulary.

When we moved to Florida, I didn't catch too much of this. Since so many of my co-workers were from other places as well (including other countries, not just other states), it was hard to pick up any patterns.

However, now that we're Clevelanders, I've noticed a recurring theme that I can only assume is regional: dropping 'to be' from sentences.  Instead of 'That tree needs to be chopped down', I hear 'That tree needs chopped down.'  I've noticed it very specifically following (or not following) the word 'needs', and don't know if they're actually missing 'to be' or just having tense issues with their subsequent verb. 

This bothers me grammatically more than people who use 'seen' instead of 'saw' (though the day someone says 'I SEED [insert what they saw here]' my head will explode), more than people who say 'fixin ta', and despite my personal mastery of the profane arts in the privacy of my own car, this almost bothers me more than people who work profanity into sentences where it has no right to be.

It even bothers me more than ending a sentence in a preposition.

What colloquialisms, slang terms, or mannerisms are part and parcel of your little slice of geography?

Monday, September 6, 2010

Movie Mania Monday - How Laborious

Well, I suppose I've been a little rough on you kids.  Two weeks ago, I posted a quote that has stuck with me for nearly 25 years since I saw the original film, and yet I'm left feeling I must be more odd than I first surmised.

Here then, is a quiz of movielicious wonderment.  You want easy, here's easy.  Think of it as a movie-quote version of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon  (Mmmm...bacon....) without me actually making you figure out how each movie relates to the man in question.  Instead, each film quoted below relates to the film next to it via common actor.  Your only task is to identify the films for each quote.

Remember, as are always the rules for quote contests:  Original speaker, no characters quoting other movies.  No cheating.  This means no Google, Bing, Boggle, Quibble, Jeeves or even Yahoo.  We grade on a curve here at CDS Enterprises, with the victor earning the peoples' fame and ovation forever, along with the title of Iron Quote-Guesser.

1)  You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

2)  That's a major appliance, not a name!

3)  Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

4)  I want a hamburger. No, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips...

5)  You were supposed to fire up! *We* both fired *up*! It's like living with a six-year old.

6)  This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!

7)  I'm no longer a carnivore. I don't eat anything that's ever had parents.

8)  It's never gonna happen again, Malcolm. I've got it under control. See, I just love naked women. It's a character flaw. And God's testing me now...

9)  Well, I've said it before and I'm going to say it again... There ain't no way, no way, that you could come from my loins.

10)  Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games?

11)  What's a six letter word for a condition of the hypothalamus?

12)  Top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?

Allez guessing!  And bonus points if you can actually identify the links between each film.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Random Acts of Thursday - I Will Kill Them

I unwittingly initiated the battle Tuesday night, but my opponents certainly drew first blood.  I will have the last.

We haven't had rain lately, so I was out on the front porch watering the plants, trees, shrubbery, and apparently a nest of yellow jackets under said shrubbery, as well.

I turned to spray the pear tree when it happened.  A sharp, stinging pain in my leg.  I brushed at it, saw nothing.  Again, in my side.  And again, in the back of my neck.  Which is when I turned and saw the swarm of hymenoptera between me and my only egress from the porch, aside from opening the door and letting them follow me into the house.

My neighbors, I'm sure, have video proof of my insanity, because that's the nature of modern life.  Eventually I'll be a YouTube sensation, running erratically around my driveway, swinging my arms about, and getting stung mercilessly before running around the back of the house.

And into a locked patio door.

Took off and shook out my shirt on the patio, two or three more wasps fell out.
Got into the house, into the bathroom and shook out my shorts and boxers.  Two more little yellow bastards fell onto the floor, dazed and spinning.

All told, we counted nine welts, including a few multiple stings.  Considering that I had to run through the swarm AFTER my underpowered human brain came to terms with what was happening, I don't think that's all too bad.  I'm also comforted knowing that it would take more than 1000 stings to kill a healthy adult.
But the pain and itching has me out for vengeance.  I will kill them.

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