Wednesday, January 13, 2010

And what is the Ponz? He's cool.

Correctamundo.

The times, they are achangin' here at Cheesehead Displacement Syndrome. Once upon a time, the concept was that blog tags would allow you, dear reader, to find those items of greatest interest to you, to neatly flag and categorize my brilliance. Click on a tag for 'bacon', for example, and you get a list of salty, smoked belly goodness.

However, much like the obvious 'Contents may be hot' label on a McDonald's coffee cup, we will be discontinuing the use of the 'nerd' tag for the duration. Because really, I feel like I've been overusing the tag, resulting in an overwhelming mountain of posts for anyone searching the nerdosphere.

As an example of my ever-present nerdiness: After reading news articles, I've come to the logical conclusion that hard work is for suckers. I live in want, a victim of our materialistic society instead of one of its beneficiaries. Where's my reward for a life of ease and shortcuts? How can I best profit from the human need for something for nothing, leveraging both humanity's greed and inherent laziness? After all, one of my co-workers just pulled in with a brand new shiny BMW 7-series this morning, while my old Buick is becoming increasingly temperamental in this un-Floridian cold snap.

As such, I'll be starting a Ponzi scheme immediately, consequences be damned. On December 26, 1919, after spending two whole years trying to earn an honest living, Carlo (or 'Charles', if you prefer) Ponzi established a firm called The Security Exchange Company. He boasted a return of 50-percent interest in 90 days, and the world wanted in on it. And who wouldn't? Paying old investors this return from funds given to him by later investors, Ponzi didn't invent the scam but instead perfected it. He took in $20 million in a few short months, equal to $222 million in current dollar values, and when he fell, six banks crumbled with him.

However, until he was arrested, Ponzi lived the high life. As did Bernie Madoff, who sustained his house of cards for decades before being called to task. And whoever this guy was.

Granted, I'm not looking for 300 cars, a pair of luxury yachts, penthouse apartments (or models) or anything of the sort. But a little taste of the easy life would be cool.

Please send large denominations, non-sequential bills, unmarked and wrapped in a leather jacket. I'll make it worth your while. Really.
Aaaaayyyyyy.

8 comments:

tracey said...

brilliant plan. and, bonus, no one can sue since you've provided full disclosure. god bless the american dream.

calicobebop said...

Hmmm, I can't see any flaws... Let me know how your request for money from the internet works - I might have to give it a try!

Elliott said...

Really, I'm thinking that adding a PayPal button to the sidebar might not be a bad thing.

Tracey, I'm going to ignore the sarcasm in your 'american dream' comment. You're cool with that, right?

Calico, I've tried requesting money from the Internet before, here's hoping this is a more successful venture than the whole 'AdSense' thing and the .11 I've made from that so far.

tracey said...

it's all good elliot : )

Sarah J. Bradley said...

Elliott: I want ON your brilliant bandwagon! Hard work not only isn't the way to go anymore, it's clearly crapped on as in the case of my hubby. So I'm on board with ya!

Elliott said...

The bandwagon has room, that's what the bandwagon is for!

And yes, the PayPal button in the upper right is a joke.

Unless someone wants to give me money, because then, seriously, use the button.

Otherwise, joke. Ha ha. Really.

Bev said...

Oh yeah, they did that in Superman III.

heeeee

Nej said...

"Please send large denominations, non-sequential bills, unmarked and wrapped in a leather jacket. "

leather jacket....(giggle)

Be nice and share!

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