Despite claims to the contrary by my lovely wife, I am not a social creature. Sure, I've come out of the shell that cursed me through my entire childhood and a large part of my adult life, I talk to strangers as the character 'Social Butterfly Elliott' (or sometimes as 'Horst, the inappropriate German tourist'), but there are still parts of our lives that I prefer to be private.
And that's how it should be.
I will share a candid reaction with a stranger in line at the deli counter, or share my life's history with a waitress at the Waffle House, but these are still selective choices.
So I guess where I draw the line is with this Twitter thing the kids are doing these days.
Really, do you care to know the instant it happens that 'my second Guinness went down smoothly', or when I exclaim 'Mmmm, pie' five times a day? Doubtful. I don't judge, I know many of you have these 'Twitter' accounts, and many of you are datavores and need input. (Because Number Five is alive.) I just don't feel the need to be part of an instantaneous collective consciousness with millions of my fellow earthlings.
Anyone who knows me knows I generally shy away from any new technology. I still have a cassette deck in my car. I didn't own a cell phone until my last nearly fruitless attempt to find a pay phone in the city of Milwaukee, when I finally settled upon a greasy roadside receiver in a graffitied and recently torched phone booth, sucking bus fumes while trying to talk to my office. I have no iPod and I less-than-secretly hope our 20-year-old television dies so we can give up television, not so I can buy a 50-inch high-definition flat screen. Because I don't know the difference between plasma and LCD, since LCD is what made my Timex digital watch so cool back in 1983, and plasma has something to do with blood.
I can't be trusted to come up with something share-worthy even weekly on my Failbook account, do you really think I'm going to spend the time to share every thought I have, 140 characters at a time? Have you even seen my poor texting skills?
What sort of twit do you take me for?
(Especially since I am so clearly a nerd. Like this segue?)
Simple quiz this week, one question, one question only. Pass or fail, just like my typing class in high school:
What uncommon career opportunity do actors Sonny Chiba and Meredith Salenger share?
Show your work, kiddies.
Oh, Just Shut Up and Lie Down Somewhere
3 weeks ago