Thursday, September 2, 2010

Random Acts of Thursday - I Will Kill Them

I unwittingly initiated the battle Tuesday night, but my opponents certainly drew first blood.  I will have the last.

We haven't had rain lately, so I was out on the front porch watering the plants, trees, shrubbery, and apparently a nest of yellow jackets under said shrubbery, as well.

I turned to spray the pear tree when it happened.  A sharp, stinging pain in my leg.  I brushed at it, saw nothing.  Again, in my side.  And again, in the back of my neck.  Which is when I turned and saw the swarm of hymenoptera between me and my only egress from the porch, aside from opening the door and letting them follow me into the house.

My neighbors, I'm sure, have video proof of my insanity, because that's the nature of modern life.  Eventually I'll be a YouTube sensation, running erratically around my driveway, swinging my arms about, and getting stung mercilessly before running around the back of the house.

And into a locked patio door.

Took off and shook out my shirt on the patio, two or three more wasps fell out.
Got into the house, into the bathroom and shook out my shorts and boxers.  Two more little yellow bastards fell onto the floor, dazed and spinning.

All told, we counted nine welts, including a few multiple stings.  Considering that I had to run through the swarm AFTER my underpowered human brain came to terms with what was happening, I don't think that's all too bad.  I'm also comforted knowing that it would take more than 1000 stings to kill a healthy adult.
But the pain and itching has me out for vengeance.  I will kill them.

7 comments:

Frank Irwin said...

Oooowwwwww! I got stung on my hand, while working in the backyard, and it blew up so that I could barely put a glove on it. I can't imagine nine stings.

I later killed the nest, which was underneath the bed of my pickup truck.

tracey said...

Brutal. Yellow jacket stings really hurt. I tore open a wasps nest that was under an old apple crate. We were picking cherries & needed to reach higher - thought the box would be a good idea. Boy were we wrong. My poor cpousin Greg was a husky boy, & when we ripped it open, they swarmed straight up & stung him all across his belly. We both ran - to a locked pick up truck. It's funny now, not so funny when we were 9. : )

Elliott said...

Frank, I'm quite glad I didn't have that kind of reaction. Especially glad since last night, as I was poisoning the hive back to the stone age, I got stung right above the Adam's apple...

Tracey, that would suck suck suck. It would figure the truck would be locked.

My early childhood impression of bees was tainted by what may or may not have been a made-for-TV movie back when the first killer bees were making an appearance. I remember an entire busload of school kids trapped in the bus.

Yeesh.

Daisy said...

YIKES! Ouch! So sorry to hear this, Elliott. I hope you get them. Good luck.

tracey said...

I remember that crappy movie of the week! Now I'll have nightmares! : )

TotalBlammBlamm said...

I fucking hate those little buggers. I got stung on my hand earlier in the summer, and it felt like my whole damn arm was on fire.

In other news, Sting was flipping HAWT in that movie. grrrrrr

Nej said...

I was once walking out of an outhouse, when one flew by my face and right down the back of my shirt. It was AIMING to go there, I swear! Anyway, my shirt was off in about 2 seconds flat.

It was only then that I started looking around to see if anyone was looking. Luckily no one was in the area, they had all taken off on their ATV's for an afternoon ride. :-)

Be nice and share!

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