Thursday, July 29, 2010

Random Acts of Thursday - Still Old After All These Years

I am old.  What's worse, I feel old.  Until this week, I've been able to live in grand denial about my age, 39 being one of the mystical non-ages.  I ignore my crotchety old man tendencies, and still don't leave the house in shorts and black socks, I'm not perfecting a comb-over, and I rarely yell at those damn kids to stay off my lawn.

And I'm not a pop-culture junkie when it comes to celebrity news and such, not at all concerned about LiLo's 24-hour suicide watch or what Mel Gibson has to say to you, me, or the mother of his child.
But I had to shudder when I saw the most recent cover of AARP magazine.  Valerie Bertinelli looks good.  Very good.  One might have a difficult time believing she's 50.  (One might also have a difficult time believing she used to be married to Eddy Van Halen...)  She was one of my few childhood celebrity crushes, and I'd watch 'One Day At A Time' religiously, probably not understanding most of the jokes, but really, really liking Barbara.
 
These types of crushes are not people you want showing up on the cover of AARP magazine.  Not even on the swimsuit issue.

I know, you just shuddered at the thought of that issue.  Or at least I did.

AARP magazine should be featuring active seniors like Betty White, Orville Redenbacher and Morgan Freeman.
See?  This looks right.  But not Valerie Bertinelli.  Can't accept it.

Bo Derek?  Maybe, since she's been an adult the whole time I've been aware of women, but I don't see her lining up for the early bird special or wintering in Sun City, Arizona.  But Valerie?  Certainly not.  No, Valerie should remain ageless, thus allowing me to imagine that I am ageless as well, that I have all my hair and that the paunch isn't nearly as pronounced as it looks from this angle.

 
Other crushes are rapidly approaching the half-century mark as well.  Phoebe Cates? 47.  Kristy McNichol?  Almost 48.  Tatum O'Neal? Nearly 47.
I guess I just need to take this 'old age' thing one day at a time.  Maybe that swimsuit issue isn't as far out as I thought...

13 comments:

MJenks said...

I think the only activity that Orville Redenbacher is doing these days is mouldering in the cold, cold ground.

Bev said...

Hey, look who made a new blog post! You old fart, you. <3

I know what you mean about seeing celebs grow older. I felt the same pang of fear when I heard that Prince had a hip replacement a few years ago.

Welcome back, Elliott. Don't be a stranger, mkay?

Nej said...

Wait...she's 50?

I need to take a minute to let that soak in.

I hope I look that good at 50.

Nej said...

Oh, and hi stranger!!!! :-)

Frank Irwin said...

Valerie Bertinelli was cute enough in One Day At A Time, but I always had a thing for Bonnie Franklin. I wonder if that made her feel dirty?

Nice ODAAT reference there at the end, Elliot.

amelia said...

Valerie is gorgeous and if any
one could make me join Jenny Craig it's her!!

Cul-de-sac-ed said...

Oh I forget about my childhood crushes as soon as they start losing their looks (or they die RIP River Phoenix). Now I'm eye balling the younger men. Hello Robert Pattinson!

Daisy said...

39's not old. Pffft!! I'm 51. 51 isn't old either. OK, well maybe it is, but it's a "young" old. HA!

AARP drives me nuts with their letters wanting me to join their club. I'm thumbing my nose at them. :D

Elliott said...

So....I commented on this, and something happened to destroy all my hard work.

Jenks, glad someone caught that. It was a test, you pass.

Bev, I didn't want to know Prince had a hip replaced. Eddie Van Halen, to be sure, but not Prince.

Nej, I hope Valerie looks that good when I'm 50.

Frank, not sure whatever happened to Bonnie. But we won't judge you.

Much.

Amelia, she did a much better job convincing than Kirstie Alley ever could.

Cul - Other than Dana Plato, I can't say any of my childhood crushes have passed on. But hey, whatever helps you grieve (RP) is alright with us.

Daisy - 'old' is a state of mind more than anything else. I was 'old' in high school. AARP knew that, too, they sent me an application for my 21st birthday.

Didactic Pirate said...

O Valerie, with your innocent smile, and your blossoming womanhood. How I yearned for you back when I was 12. And for several years afterward.

You too, Phoebe Cates. Only I discovered you when I was a little older. You know, the age where you have to make sure you lock the bathroom door when you go in there so you don't get, um, interrupted.

Sarah J. Bradley said...

Hey there young un'! (39 is NOTHING! Wait 'til you get over the 40 barrier. It's a whole new world on this side.) My celeb crushes are well over 60...and many of my adult crushes are approaching 50. It's the circle of life! However, Valerie on the cover of AARP is wrong, I agree!

Cheers!

dogimo said...

Phoebe Cates 47??? Holy uh.

That seems off. That seems pretty far off.

I guess it's weird and unnatural to freeze people in time in one's mind, though. I mean, time doesn't work like that, we know it doesn't work like that, but...the fact is, our minds do work like that.

To me Andrew Jackson will never be any older than the day he sat portrait for that double-sawbuck.

dbs said...

Ah yes, the Valerie Bertinelli days of my youth. And let us not forget Lindsay Wagner (the Bionic Woman). Or Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman). I can relate man. I can relate. *sniff*

Be nice and share!

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