And I'm not a pop-culture junkie when it comes to celebrity news and such, not at all concerned about LiLo's 24-hour suicide watch or what Mel Gibson has to say to you, me, or the mother of his child.
These types of crushes are not people you want showing up on the cover of AARP magazine. Not even on the swimsuit issue.
I know, you just shuddered at the thought of that issue. Or at least I did.
AARP magazine should be featuring active seniors like Betty White, Orville Redenbacher and Morgan Freeman.
Bo Derek? Maybe, since she's been an adult the whole time I've been aware of women, but I don't see her lining up for the early bird special or wintering in Sun City, Arizona. But Valerie? Certainly not. No, Valerie should remain ageless, thus allowing me to imagine that I am ageless as well, that I have all my hair and that the paunch isn't nearly as pronounced as it looks from this angle.
Other crushes are rapidly approaching the half-century mark as well. Phoebe Cates? 47. Kristy McNichol? Almost 48. Tatum O'Neal? Nearly 47.