Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I see bad movies showing...

I see trouble on the way...

Or is that dead people?  Nope, I just see bad movies.  Often.  At least more often than I should.

Despite being a movie geek, I do not watch the Oscars.  The Great and Powerful Bev does, however, from the alley behind her hotel this year.  It's not as seedy as it sounds, really.  

I have mentioned in the past that I am continually attempting to catalog the films I've watched over the years.  At present count, it seems I watch a different movie every three weeks.  Around 18 unique films a year.  That makes the assumption, of course, that I started watching films at birth.  And it doesn't take into account those movies I've watched five or ten times or more.

Surprisingly few of those films are bad.  And by bad, I mean nearly unwatchable.  Films that couldn't be improved by gratuitous nudity.  Films I will avoid on television if there's anything, including the home shopping channel, to watch instead.  And I like my television.   

Sure, some of those films were endured for the sake of our daughters, but I watched them nevertheless and I'll never get those 99 minutes back.

I only bring this up because Judge Dredd was on the teevee last Sunday.  And not only did I watch it in painful entirety, but a) it wasn't the first time I'd seen it and b) I actually used my beloved cable provider's rewind feature to catch up on parts I missed.  What might be worse?  It's entirely possible I paid money to see it the first time.

And somehow the film didn't seem any better this time through.  Great actors like Max von Sydow, Jurgen Prochnow and Joan Chen were apparently made offers they couldn't refuse, appearing in such schlock.  Rob Schneider?  Expected.  Completely expected.
Loser has to watch The Hot Chick...
And sure, everyone is allowed a clunker now and again, as long as they've made quality cinema the majority of their careers.  But somehow Sly Stallone is bordering dangerously on that bad actor lifetime achievement award.  Rocky XXVII? Lock Up?  Tango & Cash? Oscar? Rhinestone? The thespian stylings of Lieutenant Marion Cobretti?  No amount of Rocky or First Blood can undo the crapfest that is Mr. Stallone's career as a whole.

Could be worse, though.  If I hadn't subjected myself to this, my other option was Billy Madison.  And I just couldn't endure that. 

For a fifth time.

4 comments:

MJenks said...

In college, we used to go to the video store just to find the worst movies available and watch them in one crap-fest-filled weekend.

My friends were always a little upset that I wanted something that almost guaranteed to have a topless scene in it. My logic was that, if we're going to sit through this slop, we at least should see some tits.

I guess using this logic on my gay friend wasn't the best, but...well, I tried.

Worst movie I ever saw was Andy Warhol's Frankenstein. *shudder*

Kari said...

It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around.

Bev said...

Awww, great and powerful? MOI?

Thank you, Elliott. :)

I didn't see much of the Oscars this year either, and camping out on the sidewalk next to hoards of smelly tourists just meant that I missed all of the pretty dresses that they televise from the red carpet.

Bev said...

Also, I'm sorry I missed this post until now. I was traveling home when you posted it, and now I'm still trying to re-adjust to live back at home in a different time zone.

xoxo

PS) Flaterst - which I totally do.

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