It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

So I promised everyone over at Bev's place that I'd show you my official workspace, where I do the stuff that goes with that whole employment thing I have going on (and sometimes things like this that don't).


So here goes.

Yes, there are two cups on my desk. What you can't see behind the monitor are two water bottles and another cup. I'm down to one stress ball on the desk, the rest have been safely hidden away in one of the drawers. To the right is my perpetually-knotted headset. Mustn't forget the blatant product placement hanging on the wall! You can't see the second stapler, the black mark at the very left of the desk, which is my Milton-tribute Swingline. For looks only. The plastic fork is for jump-starting my little desk fan when it decides not to spin. And yes, I'm one of those ergonomic keyboard nerds.


Like you're surprised.

And then there's my Get Fuzzy collection, things that make me chuckle when I'm feeling blue. And a business-card-sized piece of Velcro. If I knew why, I'd tell you.

And I think I may have mentioned the leaky ceiling. Maybe.

Because this is my workplace, I don't have copies of my unfinished novels lying about, those are in the other office. My desk used to be far worse clutter-wise, but since I travel as much as I do, I try to keep it tidy(er). We also have a new 'clean desk' policy, requiring anything potentially secure to be locked away at night. In my case, if I put something in a drawer, it ceases to be useful, and will eventually go into the locked shred bin.

Because that's how I roll, yo.

I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working.

Last week, Courtney (oka WhiskeyGirl) awarded me a bloggy awardy thing. Of course, since, like Miss America, there are duties to be performed as part of receiving the award, I put off posting this.

(And unlike Miss America, nobody has sold photos of my youthful indiscretions to Bob Guccione. Thank goodness!)

I am supposed to write 7-10 facts about myself then pass the "Kreativ Blogger" award on to other favorite bloggers of mine. Yeah, good luck with that. I'm trying to gain readers, not alienate the ones I already have by boring them to death.

1) My favorite SkyMall gadget is my automatic garage door closer. I have the OCD and it wasn't uncommon for me to turn around after I got a mile down the road to go back to the house and make sure I closed the door. This gadget will close the door automatically after two minutes, but it's off right now until mowing season is officially over so I don't lock myself out of the house.

2) I'm also afraid of locking myself out of the house.

3) Even though I took eight years of conversational French, I have never had a full conversation en francais outside of those classes.

4) I've never met an olive I didn't like.

5) I have a hat exactly like the woman in the Kreativ Blogger award.

6) I am easily distracted, and unless you have my complete attention before telling me something, I probably won't remember you telling me. Ask Lori.

7) Despite the fact that I will talk to complete strangers about absolutely anything, I have horrible social anxiety when I'm not in complete control of the situation or actually need help with something.

8) I often make jokes solely for my own amusement, knowing full well other people won't always get them.

9) I finish other people's sentences and answer questions before the entire question has been asked. Again, ask Lori. This frustrates her to no end, mainly because I can't explain how I know what she was going to ask me.

10) After going to a barber religiously for most of my life (and almost weekly for 10 years) I started cutting my own hair three years ago.

Don't you feel better, more complete, at one with the world for knowing these things?

While I could never force this on anyone, it was actually quite cathartic. These are a few of the bloggers whose writing always impresses me, usually amusing and educational at the same time. Because I'm a nerd that way:

That Kind of Girl - Her concept is brilliant in its simplicity. Think outside the box, go outside the box. Report on the results. I don't know anyone else with her kind of guts.

Sarah J. Bradley - Is a phenomenal writer, whether it's her long pieces, including her upcoming novel release on April 2, 2010 (she doesn't pay me to say this, I'm just excited for her), or her daily observations. She divides her time between two blogs, but both are worth a look-see.

Mjenks the Indefatigable - Totally blowing shit up today, teaching us Latin, and usually classes up my semi-educational posts with some additional factuality.

Rochelle Bilow - Man, I love people with a passion for food, people who can evoke a mood or a meal with their words alone. Rochelle is one of those people. Check out her older stuff, too, at Sexy Girls Eat.

Yes, I read tons of other stuff, too, and enjoy it greatly. However, I don't want to overload your brainpan, we'll save others for another day. If you're curious about what else I find amusing, there's a blog crawl on the right if you scroll down, you can check out the latest and greatest.

And no, I will not share the photos of my youthful indiscretions.

But thanks for asking.

Movie Mania Monday - midnight at the oasis

Congratulations to The Bev, Iron Quote Guesser, for correctly identifying last week's quote from Lost In Translation.

Now, for this week's contest, hopefully a simple one, because it's a great quote and I want to make you feel like you're doing well. Remember the rules. First person to guess correctly the original source of the quote wins a prize - no movie characters quoting other movies. The prize consists of the people's ovation and fame forever (and the title of Iron Quote-Guesser). La quote de la semaine:

I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I’m going to take a stand. I’m going to defend it. Right or wrong, I’m going to defend it.

For you, it's time to guess, so allez guessing!!! But for me, it's Suntory time.

I don't like to talk about my flair...

Since I shared my office earlier today (and since I think my readers might be planning an intervention...), I felt it only balanced to show Lori's office as well, the office where she spends 50-60 hours a week. She insists that it's a cluttered mess, but given the paper-intensive nature of her day job, I think it looks just fine.
I'm also proud of my handiwork with the panelling.
Can't take credit for the paint, though, my painting skills are like my photography skills. That's actually a beautiful chocolate pudding brown over white, with white cabinets, off-white carpeting and an espresso-finish desk. The guest chairs (that I missed in my photograph, somehow) are a pale blue, chocolate brown and tan leaf print.

The Airing of the Grievances

A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines.

I'm okay with this. My experience with Australian wine, though not quite as disparaging as Monty Python's depiction, has not been good. And despite the existence of some fine quality low-priced wines on the market, I'm disappointed with what many of the big box vintners have to offer from down under.

In particular, I'm bothered by Yellowtail's aggressive marketing campaigns, trying to convince us that antifreeze and window cleaner are respectable wines.

What brought about this rant was their latest set of television ads, designed to fool the uninformed that their wines are tantamount to romance (hey, we both like crap wine, let's get married!), and evocative of the foothills of Tuscany.

Granted, two blokes named Bruce quoting Mick Dundee lines ("That's not a knife, that's a knife!") isn't going to make the vinoscenti go moist in their knickers. But what happened to truth in advertising laws?

Sure, if you're of the school that no publicity is bad publicity, this post is surely counter to my plan to warn you away from this swill. And I'm sure there are some high-quality wines coming out of Tasmania and New South Wales. For example, find yourself one of Mollydooker's bottles.

I guess the moral here is not to believe everything you see or hear, and to follow your own tastes and opinions.

As long as they don't run contrary to mine, because that would be wrong.