Random Acts of Thursday - What Knockers!

There is a time in every boy's life when he encounters his first Playboy.  Heck, his first National Geographic, for that matter.  And there are the formative films of one's youth. 

Since I refuse to grow up, any film that brings on the sexytime is a formative film of my youth.  (Though truth be told, I can't even say 'titmouse' without giggling like a schoolgirl.)

At the same time, I can remember the skies opening up for me when I got my first boombox (it was, after all, 1984) and discovered that there were other channels on the dial besides my parents' country station. 

As such, I give you this week's quiz!  I'll tell you the song, you identify the sexy and the film.  Keep in mind sexy doesn't have to be naked (though it doesn't hurt).

1) Moving in Stereo - The Cars

2) Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd

3) LaGrange - ZZ Top

4) Bolero - Ravel

5) Brand New Key - Melanie

6) Slaughter House - Powermad

7) Atomic - Sleeper

8) Sussudio - Phil Collins

I'm sure I'm missing others, feel free to add them in the comments. 

Speaking of sexy, it seems my readership has dropped off considerably.  Some might logically conclude this is because my writership has also dropped off considerably.  However, I figured it might be easier if I just posted gratuitous pictures of boobies.

Enjoy!

And my favorite...

Let the awkward commence!

Ah, I can feel the awkward wash over me like a light spring rain. It's been quite the weekend in Cheesehead Displacement land, kiddies!

I may have implied, in Sunday's dinner recipe post, that perhaps Australia is not exactly the fine purveyor of wines they like to believe themselves to be. I just might have posted a link to Monty Python's 'Australian Table Wine' sketch. I may even have chuckled at the thought of 'this is a wine suitable for hand-to-hand combat'. I disparaged one vineyard in particular, as I was not pleased with the bottle I had.

And the winemaker called me on it. Well, not called, but they did leave a very polite and apologetic comment on the post, while informing me that I was drinking their wine incorrectly.

I feel bad. I never want to be the one to belittle one's life's work, unless you happen to be this guy:After all, not everyone's taste is the same.

Also awkward, I felt compelled to compliment another blogger last week, he'd put a lot of work into a beautiful chopper, and since I'd want someone to tell me what they thought of my work, I felt it only proper to convey my appreciation in kind.

However, since the blogger is from Japan, and the blog itself in Japanese, I had to fall back on a translation tool to give me something to cut and paste. Since then, most of my Google banner ads have been in Japanese. I've begun to correspond with another Japanese biker, and while he's informed me I can write to him in English, this only deepens my awkward feeling, when I think my translations must have been so awful, he'd rather fight his way through a non-native language than let me butcher his.

I feel bad about this, but given as he's continued to correspond in English, I can only hope for good things to come of it.

Speaking of good things coming, the winning-est awkward moment of the month goes to that girl in the car next to us at the light last night. Nothing like sitting stopped at a light, looking around, and then finding myself staring at a girl's butt in the window as the rest of her bobs up and down over the driver's seat. The windows were tinted, and as I was trying to decide how to point this out to Lori without simultaneously alerting my daughter in the back seat, a pickup truck on the other side of said vehicle made it very clear that my original perception was correct.

And there was much rejoicing.

Kids, Road Head is bad. It is a dangerous thing when the car is moving, and simply quite embarrassing when you decide to do such a thing at a red light, between two larger vehicles that get to look right down into your car. Do it while the car is moving, and every pothole could be the worst second of your life.
Plus, she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. And that's dangerous.

Should also note: Taku, my new friend, commiserated with me on the eternal weight gain. He also shared with me his height and weight, indicating that he's "a big eater and getting fat", at just under my height and 80% of my current mass. Thanks for that ego boost. I really do need to start working out.

Fun Fact Friday - Which Came First?

Yes, kids, it's time we had that 'little talk'. When we were in the Poultry and Rabbit building at the fair, there was an entire wall of educationalish FFA artwork. Some of this revolved around the reproductive process of chickens.
Yeah. Lori and I just didn't get it, exactly. There were lots of snaky tubes, and pipe cleaners glued to cardboard, and it just wasn't making much sense.

And remember, if I find something disturbingly intriguing, you're ALL going to learn about it. And there are some things you can't un-learn, so it's not like doing a somersault or riding a bike. Turn back now if knowing this means you'll never be able to eat eggs again. I will not bear the responsibility for this, nor will I abide another toe. If you don't think you can handle it, go check out this post instead.

But really, how do chickens 'do it'? It sounds like a bad Mister Wizard question from my youth.
Like other reproductive systems, it starts with ovaries. However, chickens, while born with two, develop a 'dominant' ovary. This is the one that starts all the egg-laying. In fact, several of the chickens at the fair had eggs in their cages. That's one of those things that just happens, and if memory serves, it happens about 5.5 times a week. This egg-laying cycle is referred to as a 'clutch'. Chickens run on some weird internal clock, that allows them to produce an egg in just over a day, but once it gets to be 3 pm, no eggs. This ends the cycle, creates a break of a day, and then the hen starts laying again, creating a new clutch.

I don't know if Daylight Savings Time factors into this at all.Hens have about two years of productive laying time in their lives, after which they become soup fodder. Egg formation itself starts when the ovary produces the yolk, with its runny, yolky center, a single cell. The outer membranes and layers get added as the egg passes through the chicken, from the infundibulum (or 'the funnelly bit'), and then through the magnum (or 'the Sellecky bit'). The Sellecky bit is responsible for the secretion of the albumen, or egg white, and on a good day, can encompass two yolks at a time. Magnum, indeed!
Then we move on into the isthmus ('the membrane-y bit') and into the shell gland. What? I didn't figure that one needed a scientific renaming.
Then, and only then, does the egg pass into the vagina. I can't type the word without hearing Phil Hartman as Charlton Heston. However, avian vaginas differ from their mammalian counterpart in this area. Between the shell gland and vagina, chickens (and other birds) have sperm host glands. Hens can maintain a rooster's sperm at body temperature, allowing it to remain viable for up to two weeks inside the vagina. Each time an egg squeezes through the shell gland into the vagina, sperm is expressed back into the earlier stages of egg development, each egg fertilizing its next sibling. Except for the first egg, I guess.

So how does the sperm get there?Sweet, sweet, chicken lovin', that's how. When chickens mate, the rooster presses his 'sexual opening' ('the penis-y bit') against that of the female by mounting her, flapping his wings and biting the hen's neck to maintain his balance. The male's sperm enters the female's sexual opening (cloaca) during this time. After entering the cloaca of the female, the sperm, containing the male's genetic information, travels up the oviduct to the sperm host glands where it awaits the next egg.

Don't you feel better for knowing this? I know I do. Omelet, anyone?

A special thank you to Dr. Thomas Caceci, without whose graphic depiction of the avian reproductive system today's fun facts would not have been possible.

Sexy time, very nice

From this quiz, take it first...

1) Phoebe Cates' ultimate bikini scene in 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High'

2) Nicole Kidman gets sexy in the rain to this song in a short little sundress in 'To Die For'

3) Demi Moore bursts onto the screen in 'Striptease'

4) Bo Derek insists on making love to this song in 'Ten'

5) Heather Graham gets naked (except for the roller skates) in 'Boogie Nights'

6) Laura Dern rides Nic Cage while this death metal song plays over the top in 'Wild at Heart'

7) Kelly Macdonald is magnificently dirty in the back of a cab to this song in 'Trainspotting' (and in her schoolgirl uniform)

8) Christian Bale expounds on the brilliance or banality of Genesis and Phil's solo work to this song while an escort and a prostitute he's hired have sex with one another for his pleasure in 'American Psycho'.

If you haven't seen these movies, see them.