Random Acts of Thursday - Bad Assitude

Hollywood doesn't make actors like they used to. (Prove me wrong, kids.  Prove me wrong.)  I lived to watch 'old' movies with my father on Sundays, anything with car (or horse) chases and lots of shoot-em-up action, and wishing I was more like their characters.  I've mentioned more than once that I wish I was more bad-ass. 

Sure, there are actors who did some one-off action work among their comedic stylings (see also 'Last Man Standing'), but few men exhibited that true grit of a hard-ass like those listed below.  Pick the movie that made their mothers proud, pilgrim.

Steve McQueen
Harrison Ford
Chuck Norris 
Clint Eastwood
John Wayne
Humphrey Bogart
Sean Connery
Burt Lancaster
Charles Bronson 
Lee Marvin

Rio Bravo
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Death Wish
Bullitt
Gunfight at the OK Corral
The Big Sleep
Good Guys Wear Black
The Enforcer
The Dirty Dozen
Thunderball

Yes, some of the actors were in more than one of these films, so choose wisely.  Half of these have been on television in the last few weeks, and I watched as much of them as time would allow.  How about you?

Speaking of bad-ass, I decided we're long overdue for another ever popular Dead Wrestler Trading Card (an NFG Worldwide exclusive!)

Karl Von Hess
1919-2009

Karl Von Hess, born Frank Fakety in Michigan in 1919, made his name heading to the ring in a full-scale Nazi guise in the years following World War II.  He would enter arenas in a Waffen SS coat and a "Sieg, Heil!" salute. As a result, Von Hess was shot at, stabbed, attacked, and burned en route to becoming a white-hot heel in the late 1950s.

"Karl Von Hess was absolutely wonderful," said Ted Lewin, wrestler-turned-author and illustrator in The Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame: The Heels. "He was very special because he didn't do a heck of a lot to make people angry at him. All he had to do was kind of keep turning and looking at the audience, and the audience would boo, and then he'd turn and look at them again."

Before achieving fame (or infame), Von Hess was a lifeguard and swimming teacher, then entered the navy in World War II to serve in the Underwater Demolition Corps. Upon his discharge, he worked the carnival circuit for several years, then worked in various regional wrestling promotions before gaining national noteriety as the bad guy everyone loved to hate.

Fun Fact Friday - Ask the Nerdy Fat Guy

It's a grab bag of fun today, kiddies! Today would have been Abe Lincoln's 201st birthday. Makes me think of the Simpsons, when the robots in the Hall of Presidents went berzerk. Nothing like a dead president shooting sparks out of his mouth, right? I know for many of you, the shot above is what your week looked like. Lori just informed me that it's even snowing in parts of Florida and Alabama as you read this. That's some crazy stuff. Now of course, Abe was the man. Before becoming president during a rough time in U.S. history, before obtaining his law degree, he split fence rails for a living, among other things. He was also a damn fine wrestler. As such, Abe is our featured Dead Wrestler Trading Card of the week! Look at that smile. You just know he's flashing back to that time he and Ironbar Ulysses won that no-holds-barred cage match against The Mad Hessian and Crazy Robert Lee. Those were the days.

It's been a while, but I thought we'd visit the NFG files for a little session of Ask the Nerdy Fat Guy.

In deference to Lincoln, we start with a letter from Mary, in Springfield, IL who asks "We all love the song 'Midnight at the Oasis', but what films have showcased this fine piece of 70's musical treasure?"

Well, Mary, so glad you asked. We've discussed Lost in Translation (2003) here before, where the lounge act in Bill Murray's hotel bar sang the song before he bedded the singer. However, in recent times, the song has also been on soundtracks for American Pie (1999), Whisper (2007) and Waiting for Guffman (1996).

Speaking of Waiting for Guffman, written and directed by Christopher Guest, it segues nicely into this question from Kevin, from Denver, CO: "You litter your posts with what many might consider an exorbitant amount of film and television quotes. In particular, you used 'Be honest, this is for science', which some of us know as a line from The Princess Bride. Are these uses intentional, or does it just come from a lifetime wasted watching movies instead of going out and doing something productive with your life?"

Kevin, that sounds like a bit of a dig. Yes, the film quotes are intentional. If something sounds vaguely familiar in a post, it's likely because I pulled a relevant quote from my memory banks filled with years of bad movies and worse television. But I do use them hoping narrow-minded whiners such as yourself would make the effort to look them up, since in many cases knowing the source of the quote only makes the post more vibrant. So suck it.

Moving to a more international and hopefully open-minded group of readers, Gjorge from Bitola, Macedonia writes: "Why isn't there a Row 13 on airplanes?"

Gjorge, I previously deferred to The Straight Dope on the unluckiness of the number 13. It would seem, too, that the general consensus is that airlines choose to skip 13 to avoid the possibility that a passenger would refuse to be seated there. The rule isn't hard and fast, and seems to vary by airline. I did find that most international carriers skip this row, hinting that we're far less superstitious as Americans. Or maybe we can't count that high, I don't know.

I hope this has quelled some curiosity, dear readers. If this doesn't do it for you, I can only hope you work someplace that gives you President's Day as a holiday off.

***Do you have a question for the Nerdy Fat Guy? Click the fat guy button to email me!

The SPITWAD* Chronicles - charter edition

Imagine that, another feature! Shocked you are, I'm sure, that I would try to foist yet another gimmick on you, my tired yet tolerant readers. But it had to be done.

Art Clokey passed away on Friday at the age of 88. This is the man who brought us decades of joy with Gumby and Pokey, and taught us morality on Sunday mornings with Davey and Goliath. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Mr. Clokey was the recipient of many, many compliments. From Eddie Murphy to the folks at Adult Swim, and the scores of claymation artists that appeared in the decades following Gumby, Mr. Clokey's work was highly influential.

Growing up when I did, my first encounter with 'Gumby' was the SNL sketch, and it was a while longer before I knew that Davey and Goliath came from the same mind. But that really didn't matter to me as an eight-year-old looking for anything with entertainment value on Sunday morning television, which usually landed me on the church channel, amazingly the only channel that WASN'T broadcasting a church service. "I dunno, Davey, seems suspect."

On a slightly sadder note, Miep Gies passed away last night. Miep, aged 100, was one of the brave people (along with her husband and several employees) who helped to hide Anne Frank and her family during WWII. She continued to crusade against naysayers, those who claimed the young girl's diary, as well as the holocaust as a whole, were myths, right up to her death. Right on, Miep.

And really, what kind of post would this be if I didn't segue to another Dead Wrestler Trading Card?

Bam Bam Bigelow, we hardly knew ye.

Bam Bam (formerly known as Scott) passed away in 2007 and the ripe young age of 45, only three years after his second retirement. Sadly, a man with myriad health problems who survived dumping a Harley at speed, who survived a house fire where he rescued three children, died with toxic levels of cocaine and sedatives in his system.

Stay off the drugs, kids. Really.

*Some People I Thought Were Already Dead.

Fun Fact Friday - I'm blushing as I write this

I found it!

Made you look.

I heard a news story earlier this week that after exhaustive study of over 1800 women, all twins, at King's College in London, they have determined that the G-Spot is a myth, physically speaking. I love the concept of this survey. It sounds like the 'plot' from some bad 70's porn movie, something the Brough twins would have had some involvement in. You can almost see the bad handlebar mustaches as you read this, I know.

The Grafenberg Spot (or G-Spot) was named in honor of Ernst Grafenberg, a German doctor who spent years studying female genetalia (who hasn't?) after starting his career as an opthamalogist. Do you suppose he was able to look his patients in the eye? Personally, I think that's quite the career shift.

I like to think the g-spot is psychological, rather than physiological. But ultimately, if something feels good, does it have to have a name?

Interestingly, there are doctors who insist they can accentuate or enhance the g-spot, and probably making a fortune doing so.

I think I got into the wrong line of work.

And as a bonus, it's time for another Dead Wrestler Trading Card! Collect them all! Brag to your friends!

I figured, since we're talking about mythical sexual anatomy, why not pick someone who looks like she DEFINITELY doesn't have a g-spot. The Fabulous Moolah was a pioneer in early women's wrestling, with a career spanning four decades. And her signature finishing move was the 'School Girl', as long as we're discussing bad '70s porn plots.

Fun Fact Friday - Snot clots are not hot

Friday, Friday, Friday! Weighing in as bright and sunny, another beautiful day in the desert. And bonus, another dead wrestler trading blog!

This time, it's the clash of the politically incorrect ethnic stereotypes!

Fritz von Erich, the Iron Claw...

...versus Wahoo McDaniels!

Trade with your friends! Fun for the whole family, except for your creepy uncle Francine. Void where prohibited by good taste.

I have yet to see 'The Wrestler' with quintessential everyman, Mickey Rourke, but I saw him talking about the cutting that went on to make the matches more exciting. Because blood equals excitement.

Come on, you HAVE to love The Crusher!

Couple that with my visit to the Nevada desert this week, when I'm not yet accustomed to the dry air. My sinuses spent the first five days of the trip crusted with dried blood. This is, of course, normal. Unusually dry climates, especially when one's body is unfamiliar with a lack of humidity (gee, thanks, Florida!), can cause the tiny little vessels in your sinus cavities to rupture, causing nosebleeds.

Of course, the more common cause of nosebleeds is slightly less analog. As in "more digital"...

Yes, I have my nerd hat on today.

And I've been waiting for ages to use this picture:

Notable nosebleeds in history include Attilla the Hun, who drowned in his own blood after suffering a nosebleed in his sleep. And people say history is boring.

Off to Tomorrymorry Land

Except there's no Aunty Entity. But there is a desert, that's something.

Remember: no matter where you go, there you are. And where I am, it's still yesterday, even though it's today at home. This throws off my bloggerization, since part of me still believes it's 2 am, even though the clock says 11. It also means that I'm none too fresh in the matter of gray matter this time of night, so the brilliant ideas I had earlier today don't come to fruition so easily.

But really, if you had expectations of me, surely they've been lowered by now.

Speaking of lowered expectations, I went to Fatburger for dinner. The sign said 'the last great burger in America' or some such rubbish. I was not impressed, even with bacon and a fried egg. Last night at King's Fish House though, dinner was a beautiful shellfishy delight. Everything evens out, I guess.

And lastly: Here's a gratuitous shot of Andre the Giant! Remember, collect the whole set of dead wrestler trading blogs! Share with your friends! Hours of fun for the whole family! Implied guarantee of fun not valid in Kuala Lumpur, Buenos Aires or Padukah.

Random Acts of Thursday - Camus can do but Sartre is smartre

Everyone be sad. I have just been told that Captain Lou Albano passed away yesterday. As a product of the '80's, I remember him showing up in Cyndi Lauper videos and bad Hulk Hogan documentaries.

As though there are any GOOD Hulk Hogan documentaries.

I am bereft of nerdiness this evening as I write this for you, oh dear reader, since you will be awake and reading this before I even stir in my hotel bed.

But really, if anyone knows what the deal was with the rubber bands, PLEASE don't keep that to yourself. I've wondered since he first screamed 'Whatchoo gonna do wit your life?'

And as long as you've nothing better to do, go pick up the trail of breadcrumbs I've left for you on the 10/1 contest.