I see bad movies showing...

I see trouble on the way...

Or is that dead people?  Nope, I just see bad movies.  Often.  At least more often than I should.

Despite being a movie geek, I do not watch the Oscars.  The Great and Powerful Bev does, however, from the alley behind her hotel this year.  It's not as seedy as it sounds, really.  

I have mentioned in the past that I am continually attempting to catalog the films I've watched over the years.  At present count, it seems I watch a different movie every three weeks.  Around 18 unique films a year.  That makes the assumption, of course, that I started watching films at birth.  And it doesn't take into account those movies I've watched five or ten times or more.

Surprisingly few of those films are bad.  And by bad, I mean nearly unwatchable.  Films that couldn't be improved by gratuitous nudity.  Films I will avoid on television if there's anything, including the home shopping channel, to watch instead.  And I like my television.   

Sure, some of those films were endured for the sake of our daughters, but I watched them nevertheless and I'll never get those 99 minutes back.

I only bring this up because Judge Dredd was on the teevee last Sunday.  And not only did I watch it in painful entirety, but a) it wasn't the first time I'd seen it and b) I actually used my beloved cable provider's rewind feature to catch up on parts I missed.  What might be worse?  It's entirely possible I paid money to see it the first time.

And somehow the film didn't seem any better this time through.  Great actors like Max von Sydow, Jurgen Prochnow and Joan Chen were apparently made offers they couldn't refuse, appearing in such schlock.  Rob Schneider?  Expected.  Completely expected.

Loser has to watch The Hot Chick...

And sure, everyone is allowed a clunker now and again, as long as they've made quality cinema the majority of their careers.  But somehow Sly Stallone is bordering dangerously on that bad actor lifetime achievement award.  Rocky XXVII? Lock Up?  Tango & Cash? Oscar? Rhinestone? The thespian stylings of Lieutenant Marion Cobretti?  No amount of Rocky or First Blood can undo the crapfest that is Mr. Stallone's career as a whole.

Could be worse, though.  If I hadn't subjected myself to this, my other option was Billy Madison.  And I just couldn't endure that. 

For a fifth time.

Blast from the Past - Eine Kleine Organmusik

January was a busy time around here at CDS Enterprises (A wholly-owned division of NFG Worldwide, Ltd.) and February isn't shaping up to be much quieter.  As such, I don't always have the time to rant anew - at least not in print.  Being as we are four three months from my cresting (and subsequently being 'over') the hill, it seems only appropriate that I share with you some crotchety posts from the past.

I'm not editing these, except where I may have spelled something incorrectly in my angry fervor.

 

I've never really given much thought to organ donation before, but last week (Correction: November 2006) as I sat in a drive-thru waiting less-than-patiently for my soda, I couldn't help but notice the car in front of me, with the 'ORGN DNR' license plates, and the 'Liver Transplant Recipient' license plate frame.  The combo made me wonder:

1)  Can someone donate an organ they've received as a transplant?

2)  Would this be considered re-gifting?

3)  Do you get an OrganFax report, certifying that your new kidney/liver/whatnot has never been in an accident, isn't flood-damaged, that you're the second owner and nobody has an outstanding lien against your received organ?

I've always been on the fence about organ donation, due in part, I'm sure, to the 'Live Organ Donation' segment of Monty Python's Meaning of Life.

Part of me still honestly, truly believes that the little orange sticker on my driver's license gives the paramedics a sign that they don't need to try as hard.  Logically, I know that probably isn't true, but one can never be too careful, now, can one?

A footnote:  I broke down and signed the organ donation release the same day I passed my test for my motorcycle certification in late 2007.  I figured, even if I'm wearing my helmet, that's hardly enough to let me win a fight with a Peterbilt.  And if you're my mom and reading this, I ALWAYS wear my helmet.

Winning isn't everything

But I would be remiss if I failed to mention how proud I am of the Packers this morning. 

"Teamwork is what the Green Bay Packers were all about. They didn't do it for individual glory. They did it because they loved one another." - Vince Lombardi

Random Acts of Thursday - Dan Aykroyd - Angel of Death?

As many of my regular readers know, I've watched a film or two in my day.  Recently, it dawned on me, while watching 'The Dark Knight', that a lot of actors have passed before their time was perhaps due.

(Okay, so a number of them pumped their bodies full of enough drugs to mellow the western hemisphere, but that's beside the point here...work with me.)

In particular, I started running down my list o' dead celebs, and it became rather apparent to me that Dan Aykroyd might be the Angel of Death.  Among his soon-to-be-dead co-stars are Chris Farley, John Candy, John Belushi, Tupac Shakur, River Phoenix, Jack Lemmon, Phil Hartman, Anna Chlumsky...wait, she's not dead.  I never saw 'My Girl', but somehow I had it in my head that she died.  Did she die in the movie, or was that Macaulay Culkin?

Anyhow.  Lots of dead folks piling up around Dan.  Not saying it's his fault, just saying that's a lot of dead people.

So this week's quiz is a little morbid, but bear with me.  Two parts to this: first, match the dead actor to the living.  Each list contains both.  With only one exception, I've tried to avoid scenarios where both actors are dead but screws fall out every day - the world's an imperfect place.  Next, identify the film which starred both actors.

An example:  Heath Ledger (B, dead) starred with Christian Bale (1, living) in 'The Dark Knight'.

A) Alicia Silverstone
B) Heath Ledger
C) Jet Li
D) Dudley Moore
E) Christina Ricci
F) Chris Farley
G) Harrison Ford
H) Sharon Tate
I) Kevin Bacon
J) Rodney Dangerfield
K) Marilyn Monroe
L) Steve Martin
M) Bruce Lee
N) John Belushi
O) Dan Aykroyd

1) Christian Bale
2) Raoul Julia
3) David Spade
4) River Phoenix
5) Tony Curtis
6) Aaliyah
7) Joe Pesci
8) John Candy
9) Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
10) Bo Derek
11) John Candy
12) Tupac Shakur
13) Brittany Murphy
14) Mia Farrow
15) Chris Penn

Simple, yes?  It's supposed to be fun, kids.  Don't kill yourself over this.

TOF Threat Level - High

It's snowing here in the greater Cleveland area.  This is not a new occurrence.  However, it's actually a wet, heavy snow, with the temperature lingering in the mid-20's.  While clearing my car this morning, my glove froze to the roof not once, but three times.  There are, I'm sure, little fuzzy handprints on there even as I write this.

As such, we here at CDS Enterprises (a wholly-owned subsidiary of Worldwide NFG) have raised the 'Tongue on Flagpole' threat level to DefCon 1.  Or crimson, if you prefer.

And I know there are some of you out there saying 'Aw, baloney', even though your best friend's old man knew a guy who had to have the fire department called out.  You've been warned.