Gunfight at the Golden Corral

I'm a crotchety old man.  Have been for around 20 years.  I'm lying, it's more like 30 years.  Something I've never been, though, is an unruly child in public.  (As an adult, I've created scenes, both intentionally and not.  Get over it.)

Lori told me today about a restaurant in Pittsburgh that has banned children under the age of six following 'numerous' complaints about the unruly little ratfink fussbuckets screaming and upsetting an otherwise enjoyable dining experience.  I'm sure they were also standing on chairs, annoying nearby diners by flinging food and crayons, walking around, refusing to sit up, crawling on the floors, flinging more crayons, and generally behaving in a rather pro-contraceptive manner.  Some people are offended.

I say 'Right on, restaurant'. 

Lori and I have restaurants we avoid because they attract unsavory elements (see paragraph two, above.)  Would I be more likely to patronize a restaurant, knowing that I won't have to endure crying, yelling, staring, annoying little weasels?  Of course I would.  One of our local restaurants has a 'kid corner', a section of the restaurant where they seat families exclusively, to keep them away from the beer-drinkin', good-time-havin' crowd.  Which was great until, on a busy Friday night, we were seated in kid corner.  My normal easy-going nature was severely cramped.

(Shut up.  You know the NFG has an easy-going nature.)

As a public service then, I'd like to offer readers of the ol' CDS (all three of you) the NFG Worldwide Solution to avoid screaming kiddoes interrupting your well-aged Porterhouse or chicken Caesar salad.  First, get rid of the kids' menu, with its chicken nuggets and mac'n'cheez.  Lose the crayons.  Better yet, let's adopt the tried and true bowling alley method of my youth, one appreciated by drunken keglers everywhere:  on-site daycare.

My grocery store has a kiddie corral, too.  You have no idea how peaceful it is to shop without toddlers darting in and out of my legs.  I like to imagine, too, that some of the parents don't even NEED groceries, they just use the free service to get a break.

So why not introduce such a solution at fine restaurants everywhere?  Pack your kid a sandwich (no peanut butter, never know who's allergic), check them at the door, claim them once you've enjoyed your veal picatta or trout meuniere, and everyone's happy.

And if your kids are well-mannered little quietmonkeys, good for you for teaching your children how to behave in public.  You should treat yourself to a nice dinner.

Next hurdle?  How do we get airlines to follow the trend?


* For those of you who think I'm being a hard-ass, let me reiterate that I don't indiscriminately dislike children.  Children are a joy, and I love my daughters, grandson and nieces very much.  However, they have been (or will be, in the case of the wee ones) taught their manners.  Enough said.

Elliott and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

***note, I apologize now for the negative tone and self-centered nature of this post. Save yourself. Go Google cute bunnies or surf porn now, avoid the whole mess.
I had a fantastic weekend. Should I, therefore, be punished? Apparently so.

My phone died Sunday night, and apparently that means that the phone itself decides to go into paperweight mode after recharging. No calls, no email, nothing. Therefore, I never got the calls from the mechanic about the Buick, so even though I dropped the car for service yesterday morning, it didn't get fixed. I was able to bum a ride home, but now I have two vehicles in south Tampa and none at home, on a night I work until 8 pm. I'll be going to get Lori tonight, then driving back down here to get my car, then driving back home. That's not inconvenient. Not at all.


And the Packers lost. To He-who-shall-not-be-named. But we won't discuss that.

When I got to my desk this morning, my computer was off. I didn’t shut it off, but powering it back on confirmed a ‘thermal event’ transpired overnight. That’s a weather condition, not a PC issue. It’s like the Alli people referring to uncontrollable anal seepage as a ‘Treatment Effect’.
***artist's depiction. If only our closet was actually this big!

When the computer finally booted up again, I got the email from Lori that the new double-poled, double-shelved, beautifully organized closet that we put together last month suffered a meltdown this morning. The top shelf collapsed, and since it landed on the bottom pole, I’m sure that one’s worse for wear, too. Lori can’t tell for sure because the whole closet is just a jumble of wire shelving, clothes, hangers and boxes.
***not the Dammit, but the markings are strangely familiar


Now I just got another email from her, indicating that the Dammit Dog decided he wanted to roll in poo, and is now encrusted in it. He never does this, but it’s my fault, I haven’t picked up the yard lately because in rainy season, it disintegrates before I can get to it.
Meanwhile, our systems have been experiencing outages all day, so clients can’t access our system. And their clients can’t access our system.

And, thanks to stress, the nightmares are better than ever. Lori woke me up because I was whimpering in my sleep, apparently. That’s better than snoring, I would think, but she doesn’t agree. As I was trying to go back to sleep, the medivac helicopter was suddenly hovering and circling above our house until traffic wherever they were headed could clear. That’s not disconcerting when you’ve just been woken from a bad dream. Not at all. When I came back from lunch, my desk fan wouldn’t turn. After a few minutes disassembling, turning, flipping switches and banging it on my desk, it’s finally running again.
And I just read that my favorite magazine, Gourmet, is stopping publication after 68 years.
Can I get a do-over on my week? Because this one just isn’t working for me.

And it’s only Tuesday.

The Manifesto Obvioso

Author's note - Yes, I have a manifesto. No, I don't have a shack in Montana, so nothing to worry about yet. This is not a complete document, but instead something I've been batting around inside my skull for years. There are more rights we have as humans, and certainly more responsibilities. If I've missed something, please add it to the comments! -E-

Many people are confused about the difference between their rights and their responsibilities. You have no right to be handed everything on a silver platter. You DO have the responsibility to work hard and the right to be rewarded for that hard work.

Closed-minded ignorance is destroying world society. You have the responsibility to be informed about the world in which you live, and the responsibility to keep your mind open. If you refuse to listen to opposing viewpoints, your opinions become weak and ineffective. Derogatory, hate-filled opinions give others the right to ignore you (if they weren’t going to, already). By the same token, you have the right to ignore anyone or anything that causes you offense or pain, whether physical or emotional. This does not negate the responsibility you have to be aware of those offenses when forming an opinion.

Get over yourself.

You need not walk a mile in someone’s shoes, but you do need to acknowledge their right to walk that mile themselves without your uninformed and un-requested input. Even if they decide not to wear shoes, and the road is really gravelly and there might be broken glass.

While perhaps you were born yesterday, the modern world society was not. Different countries, different peoples, different cultures and traditions have survived and evolved over centuries to create the world in which we live today. Failure to realize this is nobody’s fault but your own.

History isn’t always beautiful, it isn’t always fair or just or humane. Ignoring the past is wrong as it denies the long and difficult journey behind today’s and tomorrow’s world. However, acknowledging the cruelties of the past does not require us to continue or celebrate those cruelties.

You can complain about anything you want, as long as you realize that nobody wants to hear it. Life is not fair, so if you bring unfairness upon yourself nobody wants to hear it. If you buy a car that gets 3 MPG, you relinquish your right to complain about gas prices. Nobody is force-feeding you saturated fats, injecting lard into your veins while you sleep. Coffee is hot. Knives are sharp. Animals bite and plants contain allergens, and unless they’re an invasive species, they were there before you. If they’re invasive species, another human being screwed up and introduced them, so again, not the plant’s or animal’s fault. Unless the worst of an event actually happens to you, you have no right to say ‘Why did this happen to me?’ ‘Bystander’s Remorse’ is an asinine assumption.

The effectiveness of standing on the street corner with a ‘Homeless, Jobless, Please Help’ sign is often reduced when you’re standing next to someone who took the responsibility to get a thankless, low-paying job holding a sign for a clearance sale or new apartments.

Honesty is not always rewarded, nor is honesty its own reward. Honesty is yet another responsibility, as is tact. Being honest solely for the sake of hurting another person is not right, or fair. And yes, just because life is unfair, you don’t have to go adding to that uphill battle.

You have the responsibility to think of who else you might affect if you’re being selfish. You have the right to be selfish all the same, but the responsibility to know that people might not like you.

Oddly enough, you have the right to be wrong. Nobody can force you to be correct in everything you do. However, you do have the responsibility to accept someone else pointing out your wrongness, and the responsibility to correct anything that can be corrected.

You have the right to fight at a party. The host, at his or her discretion, has the responsibility and right to set you straight.